“Dark Night of the Soul” (John 6:16-21)

*Thomas Cole's Voyage of Life (1840)

Where Is God?
A couple had two mischievous boys, eight and ten years old. They were always getting into trouble. Finally, the parents had enough. They asked their pastor to talk with them. The pastor agreed. He called the younger boy into his office first. He sat the boy down, leaned toward him, and said sternly, “Where is God?” The boy froze. The pastor asked again, a little louder, “Where is God?” Still no answer. Finally, the pastor raised his voice, “WHERE IS GOD?” The boy was terrified. He jumped up, ran home, and hid in the closet. A few minutes later, his older brother found him and asked, “What happened?” The boy whispered, “We’re in big trouble this time. God is missing, and they think we did it!” It’s funny, but in a strange way, it also resonates with us. Because when we walk through dark valleys, we can ask the same question: Where is God?

The Dark Night of the Soul
The truth is, the dark seasons come to every Christian. St. John of the Cross famously called it the “dark night of the soul.” I am not talking this morning about a dark season caused by known, willful sin or disobedience. When we know we are walking away from God, the right response is repentance. We turn around. We come home. But sometimes, we are seeking God sincerely. We are praying. We are trying to obey. And still, God seems distant. That is the kind of darkness I want to talk about today.

In August 2007, TIME magazine published a cover story titled “Mother Teresa’s Crisis of Faith.” Mother Teresa’s secret letters were made public by her mentor and colleagues. The letters show that she spent almost 50 years without sensing the presence of God in her life. In one of the letters that she exchanged with her mentor, Rev. Michael Van Der Peet, she says, “Jesus has a very special love for you. As for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear…” In more than 40 communications, she compares the experience to hell, and at one point she says it has driven her to doubt the existence of heaven and even of God. As she was walking through the dark season, her constant prayer was, “Lord Jesus, come, be my light.”

You can love God and still walk through a dark season. You can be faithful and still feel dry. You can pray and still feel nothing. There are seasons when Bible reading does not inspire us. Preaching does not move us. Hymns feel weak. Worship feels dry. And we may wonder, “Where is God?” But please don't be surprised. And please don't assume that God has abandoned you. Sometimes, God is doing a deeper work in us than we can see. Sometimes, God uses the silence to free us from our distractions, our unhealthy attachments, and our self-centeredness. He is teaching us to seek not simply what God gives, but God himself.

For me personally, my five years in seminary were, ironically, a dark night of the soul. During those years, many things came to the surface: My pride. My fears. My doubts. My insecurities. My unhealed wounds from the past. God was doing deep work in me. And honestly, it was painful. It was dull. During such a time Bible reading and prayer didn’t seem to help me. For six months, I even walked away from the church. I blamed God. I blamed other people. I didn’t understand what God was doing. God seemed silent. But now, looking back, I see God was doing major spiritual surgery in my life. And that painful season became part of the foundation for my pastoral ministry.

God’s Love in the Night
So what is the point of the dark night of the soul? God allows this season not to harm us but to draw us closer to Him.

Today’s story, Jesus walking on water, is written in Matthew, Mark, and John. It’s helpful to read these three passages together. The context is important. It comes right after Jesus feeds the five thousand with five loaves and two fish. The disciples were excited, perhaps even felt proud. Spiritually, they were not in a good place. Mark 6:52 tells us that the disciples didn’t understand the significance of the miracle of the loaves, and their hearts were hardened.

So in his love, Jesus graciously allowed them to enter a dark night of the soul. If the purpose of God’s love is to make us safe or happy, he could do that. He could protect us from all dangers, diseases, sufferings, and disappointments. Please don’t get me wrong. God does care for our safety and well-being. But that’s not the ultimate goal of his love. God’s love is not that we be healthy or wealthy and live a long, comfortable life. God’s love is not God’s making much of us. Instead, God’s love is God’s saving us from self-centeredness, which is, the root of all sin, so that we may enjoy making much of God forever. In his great love, God allows us to enter a season of solitude and silence – the dark night of the soul – so that we can be set free from self-centeredness and unhealthy attachments. As John Piper rightly said, “God’s love is giving people God. God’s love is showing people God. God’s love is getting people to God. God’s love is helping people be satisfied in God and be willing to lay down their lives for God.” God’s love is God-centered, not self-centered.

Prayer in the Night
In today’s story the disciples must have felt stuck in the middle. The Sea of Galilee is about 7-8 miles wide. They had rowed about 3 or 4 miles. They tried to row forward, but the wind was against them. They may have felt frustrated, scared, hopeless, and lonely. But they were not alone. Jesus saw his disciples struggling. This was supernatural, divine knowledge. And Jesus not only saw them; he came to them. He came to rescue them by walking on water! And through the dark night of the soul, they were drawn closer to God. Matthew 14:33 tells us that they worshiped Jesus and said, “You are the Son of God!”

In fact, Jesus himself first went through the dark night of the soul. In the garden of Gethsemane, he became anguished and distressed. He offered his prayer in the night, saying, “My Father, if it’s possible, take this cup of suffering away from me. However, not what I want but what you want.” (Matt 26:39, CEB) On the cross, Jesus experienced the absence and separation from God, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt 27:46) Jesus went through the dark valley, the dark night of the soul, so we would be rescued from it. Jesus was abandoned and separated from God, so we could be accepted and united with God. Jesus sees. Jesus comes. Jesus saves.

Take My Hand, Lord!
Let me close with the story of Thomas A. Dorsey. Thomas was born into a pastor’s family and had a gift for music. As a young man, he became famous but wandered away from God. At twenty-one, he returned to God and began using his musical gifts to honor Christ. Life was going well. He had a happy marriage, a growing ministry, and a baby on the way. But then the dark night came. One day, he received a telegram: “Your wife just died.” She had died in childbirth. The next day, his newborn son also died. Thomas was devastated. He withdrew from people and became angry with God. He even said, “I don’t want to serve Him anymore or write gospel songs.”

But eventually, a friend took him to a neighborhood music school. There, in the quiet of the evening, Thomas sat down at a piano. He began to play, and he began to pray. He poured out his heart to God, and out of that dark night came the beloved hymn, “Precious Lord, take my hand. Lead me on, let me stand. I am tired, I am weak, I am worn. Through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light. Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.”

The disciples did not know how long the storm would last. But Jesus knew. They could not see Jesus. But Jesus could see them. They didn’t know where they were going. But Jesus came to them. And when Jesus came, John tells us something remarkable: “Immediately they arrived at their destination!” (John 6:21, NLT)

So if you are going through the dark night of the soul, be encouraged. Jesus sees. Jesus comes. Jesus saves. Let our prayer change from, “God, take me out of this,” to, “God, take my hand, take me through.” There is light. There is purpose. There are answers.